high school

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Billie Heinl


October 0, 00


Writing 11


Daphne Gabrieli


Do my coursework


My Addiction


“Hi, my name is Billie and I am addicted to high school.” This is no joke. I’m a freshman in college yet my heart is still wondering the orange and brown halls of my high school. There are really two types of people in the world, those who loved high school and those who hated it. I loved it, every back stabbing, heartbreaking minute of it. Every one I know finds this obsession annoying, but their opinions haven’t stopped me from looking over my yearbooks and constantly going over stories of games and homecoming dances in my head. Although I don’t want to let go of my addiction, I feel this “drug” may be stunting my growth.


I have always had a problem with letting go of things. When my hamster, Ben, died in the 5th grade my mom thought she was going to have to bring in the SWAT team to calm me down. My mother gently told me to move on and reassured me that something else would make me as happy as Ben the hamster did. Of course, I didn’t believe her at the time, but in the end she was right. On my 1th birthday I received a new hamster and Ben was out of the picture.


I thought high school would be the same way. Once I got to college I would be fine. So, I stuck it out through summer and ignored the weird urges to sit in my old stadium or stand on the theatre’s stage where I used to entertain crowds of people. The first day at Lane was great, I met new people, loved my class, and went home smiling. But as the days went on something changed. I still love Lane but the high school memories forced there way into my mind and pushed new thoughts of college life out. This is the point I’m at now. Lost. Let me try to go into more detail about why exactly I have this problem with getting over the past.


First, you have to understand why I loved high school so much. I walked into school every day and was greeted by 10-15 girls. I knew they would be there no matter what. They gave me something to look forward to daily. All of us girls would talk, laugh make comments on what everyone was wearing. Now, you the reader are probably thinking, “I know your type, I hated those girls in high school.” Well, I will admit we were a clique and some people at the school may have thought we were a little snobby. But in our defense we never thought poorly of anyone and by no means thought we were better than any one. They were my group of girls and now they are my number one reason for missing high school. Only two of these girls go to Lane with me. The rest have left the nest. Leaving me alone and heartbroken. I’m convinced this separation is worse then a break up with a boy. I feel hopeless with out the laughter of those girls. I miss each of the personalities Claire, who always wanted to listen, Theresa, who always wanted to talk, and Amber, who was always willing to say anything to anyone. Those are only some of the colorful personalities that kept me entertained for four years of my life. Will I ever have friends like that again?


The second reason was the activities I was involved with. There was always something to do. The Friday night football, after game dances and extracurricular activities like drama, and leadership kept me busy as a bee. Now it seems like I’m doing the same old thing every weekend. When I was in high school every one told me “college is when it get s fun,” but so far my life has been consumed with work, school and the occasional Friday night movies. I don’t blame this lack of entertainment on anyone I know it’s because I can’t let go of how it used to be. I understand that I’m not allowing myself to grow up, but the thought of growing gives me chills up and down my spine. I’m excited to be an adult, yet nervous about the responsibilities such as bills and work. Then again I think even adults are worried about the responsibilities.


These two reasons keep me connected to the past. I guess I wanted to believe my life would always be as simple as high school. I had my first kiss in those halls, pressed up again locker number 10. My first breakup was in the courtyard of that high school. Okay, maybe those memories can be forgotten. The point is I had a lot of milestones in that high school, good and bad. I don’t want to let them go, and be one of those old people that can’t remember what it’s like to be young. Do you remember your favorite high school moments?


I hope you, the reader, don’t think I am totally lost. There is light at the end of my tunnel. I understand there is much to look forward to. I have the best boyfriend in the world who has no problem forgetting his high school past. He helps me deal with my problem by constantly reminding me of my future and how wonderful he believes it will be. I, on the other hand, can’t picture my future. There are just too many doors I could choose from and right now I’m to afraid to open any. For now, my 1-step program for “How to get over high school” seems to be working. I just completed my first step, admitting my addiction. Only 11 more to go. Until then, this is who I am.








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